How to be a Better Criminal Than Andrew Tate (It’s Even Easier Than You Think)
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For people who claim to be a “4D Chess Mastermind Geniuses”, the Tate Brothers are bafflingly, remarkably, and impressively stupid. To hail from Luton and still undoubtedly hold the title of the most lacking in criminal cunning is no small feat. These knock-off Chuckle Brothers have made such a farcically bad attempt at a criminal empire that you really have to wonder if the whole thing isn’t an elaborate Alan Partridge joke, or deeply unfunny Sacha Baron-Cohen character. Dumber and Dumber looks like PG Woodhouse next to these two cretins. Not since George Bush asked “Is our children learning?” have we all collectively been stunned into silence at such depths and heights of brain-lacking. By (allegedly) exploiting 35 vulnerable victims the Tate brothers reportedly made over $2.8m and 887,000 tokens, with a bulk fortune of over $48m from teaching vulnerable young boys to engage in pimping out other girls in the ‘PhD’ course: Pimping Hoes Degree. Smart? Dumb. Because they left so much evidence. Enough to get them both jailed for decades. Thick as thieves? Thick as fuck.
And yes: I’ve got the receipts. Get a snack, this is going to be my longest ever piece. Ladies and gentlemen; I give you the thickest pimps in history: the Tate Brothers...